I remember years ago sharing something privately with a young woman that
I thought would be of help to her and her new husband. My husband was so
upset with me for sharing what I did. I felt terrible afterwards. Did I
help her? No. And I always had this fear that she would share with
someone else what I had so privately shared with her. I sure felt pain
about the whole matter. And I learned a valuable lesson. Some things are
marked "Private." And they need to stay that way.
This week I received a question that I felt should have the stamp,
"Private" marked on it. It should never be asked. Not by me to another
woman, nor another woman to me. Why? Well, let me give you the question
first:
~~~As I read your digest I am in awe of your service to our Lord. Your
words
are an encouragement. I do have a question though. This ALWAYS runs
through
my mind as I read your e-mails. You seem to have a close relationship
with
the Lord yet you don't seem to have been convicted about your womb being
open
to the Lord and His will of how many children you should have? I
wondered
why and if you have studied this area fully? I was NOT quiverfull minded
and
my eyes have been opened to letting the Lord be the Lord of my womb after
much scripture study and also reading, A Full Quiver by Rick and Jan
Hess.
Any thoughts on this?~~~
Even when I read this question right now it causes my heart to beat a bit
faster and I find myself shaking. You see, a woman's womb is a very, very
private place. I have never discussed in any of my writings what is going
on in my womb. So how could anyone know? It is a private matter between
my husband and I and our LORD. This is something I have already begun to
teach my older boys. They do not need to discuss their wife's womb with
anyone, nor should she discuss it with anyone as well. It is a private
matter. I find that Christian women are talking about some things not
proper to mention.
I know personally of two Christian women who were crushed by the words of
other well-meaning Christian women. Why were they crushed? Because these
well-meaning Christian women were telling them that they should have as
many children as God wanted them to have and that they and their husband
were sinning if they did otherwise. Did these advisers take into account
their friend's submission to their "own" husband? No. Did they take into
account their friend's health and their husband's concern about it? No.
Did they take into account that perhaps their friend could not have any
more children? No. They just stated their beliefs and let the pain and
guilt fall where it may.
We have no business as Christian women setting a standard for holiness
for ourselves, nor for other women. Jesus Christ is our holiness. His
finished work at the cross is our holiness. When we realize this, we do
not look at other women with that "critical eye" as to why you are not
living up to "such and such" when I am. None of us can live up to it!
That is why Jesus Christ died. He is our perfect, perfect holiness. Oh,
the blessing when we fully accept that and live and walk in His great
grace.
"But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind
appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in
righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration
and renewing by the Holy Spirit, Whom He poured out upon us richly
through Jesus Christ our Savior, that being justified by His grace we
might be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life." Titus 2:4-7
Justified by His grace! Not on the basis of righteous deeds we have done.
Oh, rather by His perfect, perfect holiness. This causes me to bow and
ask that I might wash the feet of My LORD's servants. The critical eye is
nonexistent when you are busy washing their feet. ~Smile~
But let me try to explain to you what I have learned about our wombs. I
hope this will be of some encouragement to you.
Here is a verse depicting the way children are physically born, showing
the opposite for those who are children of God:
"Who were born not of blood, nor of the will of flesh, nor of the will of
man (some versions say 'nor of the will of a husband'), but of God." John
1:13
Children can be born "by the will of man."
"But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and
the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ." 1
Corinthians 11:3
A wife is under her husband's headship.
"In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that
even if any of them are disobedient to The Word, they may be won without
a word by the behavior of their wives." 1 Peter 3:1
Wives are to be submissive to their "own" husbands.
"Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her
children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear." 1
Peter 3:6
What is right? Obedience and submission to one's husband. Not a common
topic of conversation among women in our culture today. But the Bible
calls it a woman's adornment accompanied by a gentle and quiet spirit
when she does. Which, by the way, is precious in the sight of God.
"Without a word." "By our behavior." As wives we are to submit to our
"own" husbands.
"Not frightened by any fear." The man is the head of his wife. And as
Scripture states above, children can be born of the will of man (or a
husband). So what I am trying to say? In a nutshell, this is it:
We are to submit to our own husbands. Our own husbands. Our own husbands.
Not frightened by any fear. This is so very, very important. If another
woman's husband desires her to have many children, this is wonderful and
it is their private matter. Her womb is a private place between the two
of them. No one has any right to make remarks which would hurt them
because their family is large. I am so excited to see many Christian
children going out from godly homes. I rejoice with my friends who have
numerous children.
Perhaps another husband would love more children, but his wife is only
able to have one or two children. Well, this was probably the case with
Joseph. Joseph only had two sons. But God sure blessed him with those two
boys in Egypt. You can tell by the names he chose for them. His wife's
womb was a private place. We don't know why they only had two children,
and it is not our business to know. It is God's business and theirs. But
Joseph surely was blessed with his sons.
"Joseph saw Ephraim's children to the third generation. The children of
Machir, the son of Manasseh, were also brought up on Joseph's knees."
Genesis 50:23
Another husband and wife might long to have children, but they cannot.
Are there Christians out there who would pry into their private affairs?
You bet. I'm afraid it is mostly Christian women doing the prying and
prodding, or even the revealing. And they have no right. The womb is a
private, private, place. I think it is wonderful how through adoption the
LORD has "placed the lonely in families." God is so good. So, so good.
Still other Christian married couples choose not to have children. Do I
find this sad? Yes. Why? Because the Bible says, "Like arrows in the hand
of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth." God counts it a
blessing to have children born to you when you are young. Money is not
the issue. If it were, He would not have put His own son into a poor
family. As well as many other siblings later on. We were in our early
twenties when we began having children. We had $50 in the bank. Money was
not the issue. The LORD is right! He's always right. I can see His wisdom
in this area so much better now almost twenty years later. But I don't
have any business telling another young woman what to do in this area,
because I am not her husband. I am not her head. She does not submit to
me. Can I share with her what the Word of God says? Yes. If she asks me
and if she is open. But I will always advise her to submit to her own
husband in all things and to pray for God to change his heart, if this is
indeed the case. I think young couples will want to have children when
they see older couples in love with their children and the blessings of a
family. It is one of those "pure behaviors" that win them to The Word.
And, if God wills, He will open her womb. For He is indeed the One Who
opens and closes a woman's womb.
And while we're on the subject, what constitutes a quiver? Well, many
would argue about this, but I believe it is the children God gives to you
and your husband. And remember, as I shared with you before, your
grandchildren are part of that quiver. Here are some quivers shared in
the Word of God:
Isaac: 2 sons
Reuben: 4 sons
Asher: 5 sons and 1 daughter
Joseph: 2 sons
Judah: 5 sons (2 killed by the LORD because they were evil)
Boaz & Ruth: 1 recorded son
Naomi: 2 sons (both died)
Jephthah: 1 daughter
Samson: no children
Miriam: no recorded children or marriage
Ibsan: 30 sons and 30 daughters
Aaron: 4 sons (2 killed by the LORD for offering profane fire)
Moses: 2 sons
Jacob: 12 sons and 1 daughter
Now here is the interesting part. Remember your grandchildren are your
children, so you are not done raising children, even if you are unable to
have any more children. Your quiver is not quite full yet. ~Smile~ Here
are the exciting verses to prove it:
"These were the sons of Leah, whom she bore to Jacob in Padan Aram, with
his daughter, Dinah. All the persons, his sons and his daughters, were
thirty-three." Genesis 46:15
If I remember right, Leah gave birth to 10 sons and 1 daughter. But God
counts her as having 33 persons in all. Here's more:
"These were the sons of Rachel, who were born to Jacob, fourteen persons
in all." Genesis 46:22
Rachel? She died during the birth of her second son. But God counts her
as having 14 persons in all. Her grandchildren were counted as her
children. That is why this verse is so very beautiful to me:
"Then Naomi took the child and laid him on her bosom, and became a nurse
to him. Also the neighboring women gave him a name saying, "There is a
son born to Naomi."
A son born to Naomi! God be praised!
Elizabeth Elliott has one daughter. I have no idea why she only had one
child. Nor is it any of my business. I can't imagine asking her or anyone
else why this is so. But does she really only have one child? I don't
think so. For her daughter, Valerie, has nine children. Therefore, I
believe God counts Elizabeth Elliott as the mother of ten persons in all!
So what is the problem in the Body of Christ? Loose lips. Yes, loose
lips. Women are talking about things they ought not to mention. I've been
guilty of it as well. But I'm learning. Oh, I'm learning. May I not talk
about things which are not proper to mention and wash more feet for my
LORD. Yes, a man is blessed with a "quiver full of children" as stated in
Psalm 127.
"Behold children are a gift of the LORD; the fruit of the womb is a
reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of
one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they
shall not be ashamed, when they speak with their enemies in the gate."
But who am I to tell another woman how many children that means for her
and her husband? How do I know what is going on in their marriage? How do
I know how many grandchildren God might give them? Is it not a private
matter between the two of them and God? His body is her body. Her body is
his body. They are one. I am not a part of their union, and I have no
business prying and asking questions, nor giving advice when I am not
asked. Likewise someone to me. I am to submit to my own husband, and she
is to submit to her own husband.
I have known women who have pried and advised because there was just too
much talking going on and things not proper to mention got mentioned.
Rather than bringing peace to their friend's marriage, they brought
discord between the husband and wife because of the wife's new insistence
that they must now have more children. Why? Because, without perhaps
fully realizing it, her friend now felt her holiness depended upon it.
As I said before, in all my writings I have never written about my womb
and what is going on there. It is a private place between my husband and
I and our LORD. What I do share with you is what I am learning in my
heart and in my home through my LORD and Savior, Jesus Christ. My total
Holiness. It is only through Jesus that I have anything to share with you
at all. I am nothing without Him. But with Christ, all things are
possible!
"By this will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of
Jesus Christ once for all."
"For by one offering He has perfected for all time those who are
sanctified."
Hebrews 10: 10 & 14
There is nothing like loving Jesus. There is nothing like knowing Jesus.
There is nothing like the holiness of Jesus which is my perfect holiness.
I love my husband. I love my children. I love my parents. I love my
inlaws. I love my friends and so many of my extended family. I love all
of you, my Sisters in Christ. But I love, love, love my LORD and Savior,
Jesus Christ! "For me to live is Christ, to die is gain." He occupies my
thoughts and His Word runs through my mind over and over and over. I
don't think of anyone or anything more than I do of Him. I don't think of
anything I do more than anything He did. I don't talk to anyone more than
I do to Him. All day long I talk to Him and worship His Holiness. I
cannot get over His wisdom. He gives me such joy. He gives me such peace.
My husband couldn't give me this peace. My children couldn't give me
this peace. My parents couldn't give me this peace. No, this peace, that
passes all understanding, could only be given to me through Jesus Christ,
my LORD and Savior.
So this is Who I proclaim. Jesus. Peace, Perfect Peace. You won't find it
in a job. You won't find it in childbearing. You won't find it in
marriage. You won't find it in a man. You won't find it in money. You
won't even find it in religion. You will only find it in Jesus.
"If you abide in Me, and My Words abide in you, ask whatever you wish,
and it shall be done for you." John 15:7
Oh, all that I wish, all that I ask is that the King of Kings and the
LORD of Lords might be greatly glorified in me, His maidservant. May I
kiss His Feet with my very life. My womb? Oh, this private, private,
private place is His and more. There is not a thing that I would withhold
from my Master. May my body, my mind, my heart, and my soul be a living
and holy sacrifice rising up to His Throne of Grace while I kiss His Feet
on this earth, His Footstool. It won't be surprising to me that that will
include lots of little feet which belong to me and my loving children.
Love,
Laine